I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
