Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
