I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
