Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize