i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
