just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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