she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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