My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
