You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
