then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize