I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
