Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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