I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I deserve this hangover.
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