After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
