i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
