I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
