She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
