:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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