I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
