Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
