i can't believe i had my finger in that
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
