dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize