Christians are straight up FREAKS
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
