literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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