Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize