did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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