For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
