these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
