rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dignity is for republicans.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
