this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize