is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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