my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
