Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
