We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
