I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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