Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
