You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
