So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
