Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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