you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
