your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
