He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
