he thought i was a dude.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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