I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You just made me feel so damn special
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
