i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
