Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
