I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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