I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
