Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
