Too much gin, very little bucket
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
