So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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