Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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