she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The adults are the big ones right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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