I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just invented taco cereal.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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