You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
