remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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