i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
