weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
