I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's like heaven, but drunker
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
