We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
