i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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