Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
