You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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