i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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