I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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