Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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