last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
