I think i peed on brittanys purse
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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