yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
