that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
