time to smoke my breakfast
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
