im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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