She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He has the fingertips of a God
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