you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
