I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
