"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
