dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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