i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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