So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
