i already hear my dad disowning me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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