I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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